"Say not: 'It was God's doing that I fell away,';

     for what He hates He does not do.

Say not: 'It was He who set me astray,'

     for he has no need of wicked man.

Abominable wickedness the Lord hates,  

     he does not let it befall those who fear him.

When God, in the beginning, created man,

     he made him subject to his own free choice.

If you choose you can keep the commandments;

     it is loyalty to do his will.

There are set before you fire and water;

     to whichever you choose, stretch forth your hand."

                                                                     - Sirach 15 : 11-17

Quaker process can be an exhausting undertaking. We gather to consider an action; we sit with it in silence; then we pick at the details like a scab. It is hard labor. We assume there is one "true" leading which we must uncover. We agonize. For there is much to agonize over, if we believe that all possible outcomes but one are errors.  In my meeting we do all of this as a corporate body, with widely divergent views and levels of commitment.  It can be a long slog. 

After the fact, we imagine that our decision was inevitable. We say that it was the Spirit's one true leading, and it was meant to be. If the result of our discernment is inaction, as it often is, we rationalize that as being the Spirit's leading also. The time wasn't right, we say. The proposal hadn't seasoned enough. It wasn't meant to be.

When the corporate decision (or lack of decision) doesn't feel right to individuals, we tend to shrug our shoulders and say "that's Quaker process at work" and move on. We assume that we were wrong and Process was right. We prostrate ourselves before process, and  agree to abide by its outcome.

 Sirach challenges this view of process.  "What He hates, He does not do," Sirach tells us. If we feel led to do something the Lord hates, then it was not the Lord's leading, no matter how thoroughly is was processed and discerned. 

What does He hate? To answer that, let us look at what He loves. Honesty. Circumspection. Compassion. Patience. Love. If our leading does not come from this center, it is not a true leading. 

If our leadings are motivated by our attention to gossip or our concerns about meeting politics, they are not true leadings. The Lord loves integrity and fidelity. 

If fear drives us to block a new idea, it is not a true leading. Fear does not come from the Lord.

If anger, agitation, or impatience lead us to ram an idea through the process, it is not a true leading. The Lord loves patience and circumspection.

If my leading comes from a place of hurt or pain, it is not a true leading. That is so hard. When I am hurting, I want to let others know. I want to lash out, and it feels right to do so. It feels like I am standing up for myself, or balancing the scales, or asserting my right to something. But I have to remember -- the Lord does not love revenge. He wants me to tend to my wounds, but not at the expense of others. In this case the Lord loves restraint and courage. I need to lick my wounds, and seek nurturing and healing, and be especially careful that my actions are coming from a place of Love rather than Pain. I might need to step aside when this happens. 

"If you choose, you can keep the commandments." This verse applies to meetings as well as to individuals. The outcome of Quaker process is not necessarily holy. We must choose holiness.

Discernment and seasoning do not guarantee that an action is rightly ordered. We must ask ourselves - has our meeting chosen to keep the commandments? Has this been front and center in our discernment process? When the verse refers to the "commandments" I substitute Jesus' commandment to love your neighbor as yourself. Has this been our guiding question? Or have we been excessively concerned with legalisms and timelines and internecine squabbling? 

We may follow Quaker process with the utmost fidelity but still end up with a wrongly led action if we fail to "choose to keep the commandments" with every step we take.

We have "fire and water" set before us. We need both to survive. But they do not come to us; we must "stretch forth our hand" to get them. 

We cannot sit passively and wait for the inevitable to present itself. The fruits of such passivity are bitter and weak.  Discernment and seasoning are important, but we cannot lose sight of the fact that they are not ends in and of themselves. Discernment and seasoning are tools. Process is a tool. The end result is a well-ordered action. 

When fear grips us, we must remember that "abominable wickedness the Lord hates, and he does not let it befall those who fear him." Trust that the fruits of a true leading will always be sweet. 

The Spirit will not deliver a well-ordered, flourishing community to us. We must reach out our hand and choose it . We must act.