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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Stuckwisch on 2nd mo. 5, 2010 at 12:54am

This is a vital issue in meetings. It's difficult for me to put this into words, so please forgive any clumsiness.

I come from the FGC side of Quakerism. I suspect you do, too. Most of us are convinced Friends and many of us carry wounds from our experiences with other religious groups.

That means many parents reactions to first day curriculum is as much based on fears as hopes. During one meeting, I heard a mother mutter "no one's going to tell my child what to believe". We usually end up with a curriculum based on general ethics rather than religious education.

Our children need something more to feed their spirits. If we truly value Quakerism, we need to teach Quakerism. It's hard enough for adults to figure us out let alone small children.

My last round of teaching first day school was when I took on the Jr Friends. I asked what questions they had about Quakerism. The answers astounded me. These were kids who grew up in the meeting, attended quarterly, yearly and FGC gatherings. Not one of them could explain Quakerism to another person.

My daughter was one of them. I had failed share with her one of the most precious parts of my life.

Over two years we took on every question that they had. Some of the adults seems vaguely uneasy with what was going on. In the end, everyone of those kids felt they could talk to their friends about Friends. One teen became a recorded member of the meeting and another is preparing her letter for Oversight.

I can't take credit for what happened. The kids essentially handed me the program they needed.

Maybe we need to shift the focus from the parents hopes and fear and instead figure out the spiritual needs of our children.

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Permalink Reply by Kristin Olson-Kennedy on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 8:42am

We have had the exact same questions in our meeting by our FDS committee. The committee has written a survey for everyone in the meeting to answer so that we may be able to better understand what our attenders/members what from FDS. Our yearly meeting is NC Conservative, but we also have many very theologically liberal attenders. So we are having a challenging time balancing our curriculum trying to meet everybody's needs. We were finding that our older kids especially had very little bible knowledge, so this year we decided to write curriculum based on the Hebrew Bible for them. It was not an exercise in telling them what to believe, but one that showed them what was in it, how does that relate to the world today (ie Middle East Conflict), and give them a framework so that they can start deciding for themselves how they want to approach the bible themselves. Quakerism was originally based on Christianity and the Bible. We thought that they at least needed to know what was in the Bible. This spring, based on the conversations with the kids, we have added guest speakers from the meeting to talk about their faith journey. We feel that in this way the kids can start to learn what Quakerism, spirituality, faith and belief mean to members of the meeting and maybe learn from example. During this whole year to add variety, we have had movies shown to the kids that address some type of social justice or social concern. For the younger kids we have done a curriculum that is called Earthcare which is an environmental curriculum that combines our love of the earth with our love of God. I do think that we need to keep the parent and the rest of the meeting in mind when curriculum is chosen for FDS, but at the same time we need to find a way to not only teach our children social justice concerns but also spirituality. Because of our silence in meeting, the children of our meeting need to have a way of figuring out what is actually going on in meeting. And the meeting bears the responsibility to teach this to their young.

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Permalink Reply by Geoffrey Gilmore on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 4:44pm

One thing I really wish first-day or Sunday school programs would do: Let the children participate in the full meeting with the adults. I've been in many meetings where the kids aren't there, or are only there for the first fifteen minutes, then leave. Usually, no one speaks during the first fifteen minutes, so it is possible for kids to grow up attending a Quaker meeting their whole lives, yet never hear a single spoken message. Kids of any age can sit through a meeting with long periods of silence; if they need to be taken out sometimes because they can't sit still, okay, but don't make leaving the meeting the normal, default option for the children. They need to be there as much as anyone else. As a couple people have mentioned, some instruction on the basics of Quakerism is needed for the children. It is probably needed for a lot of adults, also. There is no reason one can't speak on the basic doctrines of the Christian faith during a meeting for worship, and I would expect such messages would be more common if there were children present.
I remember when I was in first grade, we went to a protestant church that had a children's program during the regular worship time. I went there once, and then asked if I could stay with my family during the regular worship meeting. I usually sat there and drew little monsters riding bicycles on the bulletins, but I also got to hear the sermons, and be part of the group.
So, I wish groups wanting to have special meetings or activities for children could schedule them in such a way that the children don't have to miss the regular meeting for worship that the adults are attending.

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Stuckwisch on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 9:50pm

I agree. Our children should be present in meeting for worship. For that reason my meeting does not schedule the children's program at the same time as worship.

We try to encourage our children to attend worship as they are able. That means that adults need to be tolerant of wiggles and occasional breaks in silence.

You'd be surprised how may tolerant Quakes can't tolerate kids. One person, a birth right Friend, left our meeting because there were "too many" children.

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Permalink Reply by Caroline K on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 10:52pm

Stephanie, thank you for your thoughtful centering response. I, too find myself leaning in close to divine how to minister directly to the children.. and it's a great pleasure. It actually feels much simpler and more direct to focus in this way. I am currently teaching very small children - preschool.

I also feel this is very crucial work - not just child care. When people refer to us in the nursery and preschool as child care I feel that there is a much more opportunity for their children and for them than they realize. And service to the whole meeting.

Our meeting currently has a query that all of first day school is working with for the year with our children - in various ways "What does it mean to grow up Quaker in this meeting?" Listening to response to that query from several current FDS teachers who grew up in our meeting has been grounding and comforting to me. I expect to hear more about the results of this with our older groups as the year wraps up.

I definitely do want to be listening in the moment and over long periods with discernment to the spiritual needs of our children, and give them something richer than a general ethics and environmental community. We work with cohort groups of children - and from the time they are very young build our classroom communities and the community of children as a connection point and grounding influence.

The concerns of parents do come up, however, and as a parent I have hopes and concerns, too. To be honest, this was an initial driver for me to participate in teaching FDS. My question might have been heard as a lament about the problematic all over the map concerns of parents.. but it was not intended that way. Truly, I am looking to build a dialogue, hopefully a reverent and spirited one, with parents about this spiritual foundation we are all working together to build for their children. I strongly believe - as stated in my related blog post above - that families live and worship together and this is the primary religious learning environment. Our children learn from how they watch us live our lives. And those big questions and wonderings where there is a teaching moment are a 1000 times more likely to come up in the time with parents. Can we support them better? Can we find out what they need to support their children (and youth) and work together in community to provide it?

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Permalink Reply by Caroline K on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 11:02pm

Yes, we are struggling with the first fifteen minutes, too. Not only are there few messages - I think more to the point is that the sense of reverence and waiting on God seems to be displaced by a sense of waiting for the children to leave so the real meeting can begin - it just does not typically feel very settled and connected. and in that case, what are we actually sharing with them? more of the form, but not the substance.

Holding first day school separate from meeting for worship is very intriguing! This would certainly disrupt the notion that it is primarily child care! I am going to sit with this and share it with others.. Thank you so much for that idea :)

One proposal on the table for us is to bring children in at the end of meeting to an already settled and connected gathering. There are many concerns about this - including that the noise of children entering may disrupt the meeting. However, if they were to enter "as led" rather than predictably all at once, I am hopeful this might not have to be a dreaded mass disruption.

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Permalink Reply by Caroline K on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 11:10pm

Are you willing to share your survey?

How were the results interpreted and translated? By committee? With group discernment?

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Permalink Reply by Kristin Olson-Kennedy on 2nd mo. 6, 2010 at 11:35pm

The survey has been written but not given out yet. It will be given out this first day. I would be happy to share it with you. I will try to get it attached to this blog tomorrow. *

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Permalink Reply by Caroline K on 2nd mo. 27, 2010 at 9:50pm

An update: Several of us, with the blessing of First Day School Committee, are announcing a gathering of parents and interested parties for a few weeks from now, to share about their needs for support as families and children who are nurturing the spirit of children. A survey has also been suggested to broaden the collection.

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Permalink Reply by Kristin Olson-Kennedy on 2nd mo. 27, 2010 at 10:05pm

I have attached the survey we have just used incase it may be any help to you.

Attachments:

• First Day School Survey.doc, 26 KB

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