I'm sitting at my desk at the University, a deadline breathing down my neck, a very grey sky outside, and memories of one of those 'did I really do that' encounters last night. (Nothing really 'bad', just a pattern I keep say I'm trying to change.) In other words - I have nooooo wish to show up to my work. I'd rather go back to bed. 

So I turned on my chant-music. One of the blessings was 'Glory to you for what you have hidden from us, oh gracious love.... when your fierce rays shown into my heart, making it a furnace, your face is a face of mystery and glory.' 

Sometimes I feel tremendous despair about my capacity to give over my dark-spots and actually step up into the responsibility and potential that we have. I wonder how long it will take until I really can change.  I wonder when I will know how to live my life 'better' and how to live 'fully' and 'adventerously' and all those kinds of things. 

But maybe there is much to be said for 'that which has been hidden from us'. Maybe its OK to know only the next right thing (like finishing the next step of this report).

One thing I do know - all the things I don't know forces me to interact with other people and be open to the ideas, opinions, perspectives and wisdom of others.  Which often includes not knowing how much weight to give other people's perspectives. So we are constantly having to turn back to that Inner Peace and that Outer Peace and find something that resembles light laughter between the two of them. 

Which at least today, means remembering that work is just work - and it needs to be done. So no more blogging for now.