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So many ideas, thoughts and concepts are converging in my head, all mixed up and crying for attention. I'm uncertain where to turn first.

That's why I believe I need to retreat: either for real off by myself or, until that can happen, making a  daily retreat in my studio. I feel at a crossroads and I had better make my choice with complete awareness. Part of me wants change and wants it now, no matter the choice and another piece, perhaps the wiser, says wait and do the work first. Acting now could be a reaction to so much busyness last month.

Last January, I retreated via a friend's gracious invitation to her condo in Bloomington, IN, and had a marvelous time writing like a madwoman, enjoying my own company and keeping whatever hours and rules (or lack of) that I desired. I do crave solid time to write. I have completed teaching eight chapters in my book – the entire experience was a glorious gift – and feel the strong urge to translate that into a better manuscript. I also need to plan and schedule the next eight.

Yet bigger things are calling. Like figuring out my real purpose and sacred contracts. Studying the archetypes that influence me and using other new [to me] tools, such as astrology and Scripture, to guide my discoveries and decisions about what happens next. I am just back from a wonderfully full and rich meeting with my spiritual friend/mentor/teacher. She was a whirlwind pulling various articles, charts and study guides from her poke. I needed her whirlwindedness as well as her understanding. I was able to tell her something I've only mention to my spouse, an ugly thought that seems to be driving me and robbing me all at the same time. She validated my anger and suggested I really let it out instead of letting it dribble out at times that may not be so appropriate (she also told me not to judge those). She said a rubber hose works well for expressing anger. It made me laugh and reminded me of the time a rather new writer friend and mentor told me that power tools are great for expressing frustration.

Thinking of these three (including the friend with the condo) as well as beginning to work with my archetypes has led me to see all of the wise and wonderful helpers I currently have in my life; some who even surprised me when I jotted them down. I am blessed with healers and mentors, nurturers and truth-tellers, companions and guides, sages and listeners, angels and mystical children. The list is starting to make me wonder why I want to be alone!

• Do I currently feel any need for retreat?

• How can I manage that in some form?

• Specifically, what am I being called to in such a retreat?

• What tools or others could guide me?

• Who are the current helpers in my life for which I am grateful?

in my mind,

when the hatches aren't

battened

things flap like

crazy

pulling me here

and there

when I can share

even some piece

with a trusted

helper, I see

my way a bit more

clearly

and with

gratitude