Comment by Forrest Curo on 5th mo. 1, 2009 at 12:59pm

This is probably a minority recommendation... But the book I found the most illuminating about the Quaker thing was probably Ursula Jane O'Shea Living the Way: Quaker Spirituality and Community although there are a couple Pendle Hill pamphlets (see bookstore at PendleHill.org) that come close, especially 'Creeds and Quakers: What's Belief Got to Do With It?' #377 by Robert Griswold.

Fox had sort of a run-in with science as it was developing in his time; ie he talks about sitting by the fireplace & feeling momentarily crushed by the notion that "All things come from nature," for a short time. He considered that 'a temptation' which he was grateful to be relieved of. All too many of us are suffering from it, in recent centuries!

Where one has to seriously part company with scientism... is that direct religious knowledge--which is the root of the Quaker movement, is inevitably a personal experiment. You need to try living your life in the expectation that God can and will teach you. But you will never find evidence adequate for convincing anyone else; they too need to do the math themselves!

Comment by David Carl on 5th mo. 5, 2009 at 5:46pm

Hi David S.

I'm also a David S., though I use my middle name online as I figured sooner or later there would be another blogging "David S." And here you are! Welcome and hope you'll make it to some more meetings.

David

Comment by Darrin S. on 5th mo. 5, 2009 at 6:07pm

Thanks everyone for the comments! I especially appreciate the online resource recommendations, as I don't have great access to a library.

Alice, I had read a number of documents pretty similar to those. If you know of any good Quaker blogs, that would be interesting to me as well. Thanks for all the support everyone!

Comment by Darrin S. on 5th mo. 17, 2009 at 12:54am

I'm considering expanding this blog a bit.

One day, I conceived the idea of doing a church crawl - a trip to a different church every week. After much hemming and hawing, I managed to drag a friend along. We went to a Catholic church in an up and coming neighborhood, filled with crying Mexican babies mixed with older white people. The priest was an obviously gay minister who gave a heartfelt homily on the meaning of honesty.

My friend backed out the next week. But I realized I would need to continue this.

The very next week, I went to a Quaker meeting for the first time.

I'd read about the Quakers in AP US history but didn't know much about them. I read up a bit before I went so I wouldn't be too surprised. I knew that I should sit in silence for an hour - and probably not say anything. I showed up, and people filed in until the place was pretty well crowded. There were people of all ages, which impressed me. I'm used to going to being the only person of my generation at church. Out of 30 or so people, there was one representative for each 10 year cohort.

Practiced in meditation, I sat in silence. It was a communal meditation. Then someone spoke giving us a quote of the day: a few questions asking much of our lives we should spend being rather than doing? I found it very thoughtful.

Silence passed, I could feel the community just being present, together. I kept looking at my watch just so I could know how I felt at different times. Around minute 15 the thought entered my mind, "so this is why Quakers know so much about peace." Something about the sitting with each other in silence was so loving, so supportive, so accepting. Someone said an old Quaker saying afterwards, "all of man's problems come from his inability to sit with himself for an hour."

I visited a Mennonite church today as well. It's striking to me how much more *peaceful* these churches feel to be in. People take things slowly, they don't dream of violence. I always feel that same peace as if I'm sitting on top of a mountain. I felt that with the Quakers too.

Tears started to come to my eyes. I do not cry often. In fact it had been months. But I felt at home, like I'd found a family. It was really powerful.

A few Friends stood up and told stories. One stood up (as I learned he does every week) and said what a pleasure it was to worship with us. He definitely expressed my sentiments.

The hour ended and we shook hands. I didn't introduce myself - I just wanted to watch. Another thing that struck me was how socially conscious the Friends were. Their announcements were activist movies, how to help others in hard times, donations, fundraisers for the poor. They brought out tea. I laughed as a lady reassured us, seemingly very worried, that the tea and coffee were all fair trade.

I was impressed. But I still wanted to learn more and keep testing this experience.

Often when I go to churches, people are pretty warm and accepting, but I feel a secret wish on their part that I will convert. They seem afraid. The feeling is like an invisible tentacle that grabs me and tries to keep me there. It's creepy.

So I got to talking with a few Quakers and mentioned that I'd come as part of a church crawl, just to learn more about communities in my area. The Friend thought the idea was awesome, and immediately began brainstorming other churches that would be cool to visit. There was no hesitation, no hurt, no "how can we get you to stay". Totally spontaneous, and not a trace of tentacle. Just "have you ever checked out the Baptists? They're great." I was thinking that I doubt the Baptists are this awesome.

I talked to another Friend, and I shared that I was impressed by how intelligent the questions and stories and announcements I'd seen were. He told me that he drives about an hour to come here. "This is religion for adults," he said, raising a comic eyebrow. There was no hidden agenda, no insecure need to get people to think like them. I also began to notice that the Quakers I've met, for a reason I still don't know, seem to be some of the best listeners I have ever met. They are definitely the best group of listeners I have ever met.

I spoke to a couple who had been coming to the church together for over 60 years - the wife over 80, had come there in the womb. I talked to a third group of guys - and we discussed baseball before the next section of the service.

This section combined a panel of adults and a panel of children, each discussing what made a good meeting for them, what God seemed like to them. I found the discussion extremely thoughtful, intelligent. In short, adult.

Comment by Darrin S. on 5th mo. 17, 2009 at 1:17am

I went to the meeting the next week. I couldn't resist. Those three hours I'd spent at meeting the week before had been the shortest of my life. I felt completely at home. I had read everything I could find on the internet about the Quakers. I had to know if that was a fluke or if that experience was my home, at least for now.

I will say that the next meeting was less impressive than the first, but still excellent.

I managed to show up early enough to sing some hymns. I'd been out shouting in a bar the night before. But it was still fun to sing again.

The question at the beginning was if we can do more as a community to bring our practice to benefit our neighbors. A very worthy and thoughtful question. I couldn't help but bless the Quakers. It was obvious why they were, among other things, some of the first abolitionists.

But this question didn't solicit much comment during the meeting, which was fine. I had been spoiled, I think, the week before to hear several interesting stories about being vs. doing. This time the only person to speak was the man thanking us all for coming, and saying what a pleasure it was to worship with us. I still appreciated him saying what I was thinking.

I spoke with some people I'd met last week. I also met the live-in janitor of the building. I saw the same marvelous listening skills - a calmness, centeredness, and goodness that struck me. I don't think I'm used to being around people like this.

I remembered couple who'd been going to meeting together for almost 60 years. They invited me to lunch during the intermission. I accepted.

For the discussion section - we watched an outstanding video on forgiveness. I was in tears, for the second week in a row, nearly the entire time. And hearing their discussions and personal struggles was fascinating. We had to cut the discussion at an hour - it seemed many people still wanted to talk.

I played ball with a young girl from the meeting. I appreciated in that moment the intergenerational bridge of this meeting.

Lunch was delicious. I got into an interesting discussion about health policy. There was less centeredness at lunch. But as I left I got a chance to speak to a kind old lady. I told her I would be out church crawling for a while, and might not be back soon.

"Ok," she said. "We'll miss you."

This is what amazes me about the Quakers. It might be my own bias or something. But somehow they manage to say things like that without a tentacle, without any agenda or creepiness. It's just welcoming. I appreciated it, and felt that she meant it.

Comment by Darrin S. on 5th mo. 17, 2009 at 1:32am

I did church crawl the next week. I went to a yuppy church near my apartment. This is one of those churches were there's one old couple, but everyone else is 20-30 somethings. The opening hymns were played by a rock band. I had to give them credit for being great musicians - even if they were the type of Christians who creep me out. They seemed to be of a self-righteous bent. These are Christians who are frustrated because they limit themselves to tools and beliefs that don't seem to be working for them. They react through a sort of hardened orthodoxy.

The other creepy thing about the 20-something churches is the sexual chemistry in them. It's clear that many people in attendance have a guilt-ridden relationship with their own sexuality. At church, everyone is as chaste as a statue - but those in attendance gave a vibe that the night before could be a different story for many of them.

To be clear - I am polyamorous, I am sexually liberated though inexperienced. I harbor no judgment about their sexuality. I am noting, more than anything, the vibe of hypocrisy.

So just FYI, I'm keeping detailed notes and statistics about each church I visit. I after the rock band finished I made a mental note to give this church a low rating on the "trite attempts to be cool" category.

I had to say, though, the sermon was incredible. Honestly, one of the least hypocritical, real sermons I have ever seen. And apparently that was the "backup pastor." Their ace is supposed to be even more incredible, said the only man over the age of 50 in the congregation. He informed me that he had "the fire" and liked to see this much passion for the Lord in today's young. I asked him about his kids, he said they turned out very devout, and now he was "working on" his grandkids. I told him that sounds creepy. We laughed.

Still, I missed the Quakers.

That evening, I went to the Friend's evening meeting. I'm kind of afraid of getting saturated too quickly on Quaker stuff. I'm kind of trying to reduce my contact so that I'll maintain my enthusiasm. Then again, it's unhealthy for me to block myself. I might as well just hang out with them as much as I want. Ok, decision made.

Anyway, so I went to a meeting. Only two middle aged ladies and I showed up. We sat in silence for an hour. They both spoke. I said nothing. I wanted to say that "I feel at home." I will get to that in another post. The sun was setting as we were finishing, coloring the plain smoked windows. Tree leaves brushed up against the side as well - it looked like a watercolor painting with a broad brush.

We hung out for an hour afterwards. Both seemed centered, although one had a strength and centeredness that dwarfed the other. The other had a bubbliness that crowded out the quieter one with a stream of words. Both were lovely, but I worked to get both to speak about evenly. We spoke about our religious experiences. Again, the simplicity, the willingness to listen struck me.

We sang hymns for an hour and gave each other hugs in parting. That was one of the most lovely evenings I have passed in a long time.

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