Previously seated in my kitchen, I was brought to my feet, feeling handcuffs snap tightly around my left wrist. It was clear where I was headed, but it wasn't to jail. A petition had been put out on me, and my immediate destination was to the psychiatric hospital downtown. I talked non-stop in the back of the squad car, sharing with an audience of two the series of deep religious experiences that had been present in my life for the past several weeks. Mania often produces hyper religious expression, and the two cops assigned to escort me inside were nonplussed by the impromptu sermon they were receiving on the fifteen minute drive. I may have been very sick, but I was lucid and my points were cogent and rational. 

We arrived and I continued preaching, though I'm sure by now both officers probably wanted me to stop talking completely. In my addled mind, I was convinced that God was in charge of every and all facets of my life and that, even more, I was merely his vessel, set to follow his purpose.And this was true for insignificant, trifling things, too. I also believed in a providential deity, a God fully in charge of everyone else's life, too. Of these two points I could not be unconvinced by psychiatrists, and even after three and a half weeks of involuntary confinement, at which point I was well enough to be discharged, I admit I still retained elements of both beliefs. And since then, I still have. Does this count as religious awakening or brain damage? I've wondered this for almost a decade.  

Quakers often talk about receiving leadings. One leading might be a desire for racial reconciliation. Another might be a leading to travel for environmental justice. John Woolman's leading led him to interact with the Native Americans.  Could we argue that by following them we are doing God's work on Earth? We might not use those terms, but are the intentions the same?

And do we believe in Providence? This is how Wikipedia defines the term.

In theology, divine providence, or just providence, is God's intervention in the world. The term "Divine Providence" (usually capitalized) is also used as a title of God. A distinction is usually made between "general providence", which refers to God's continuous upholding the existence and natural order of the universe, and "special providence", which refers to God's extraordinary intervention in the life of people.^[1]

The objections many people have had with the notion of Providence is that Providence is used for human justification towards its own ends, often warlike ones. Indeed, the notion that God Wills It! is what kicked off the Crusades. But what if we really do live in a world where a benevolent force is in control and keeps human life in order? It's a comforting thought, especially with the barrage of bad news and the anxieties that we are alone in the world.

On to another point I referenced earlier. How do we know that we are doing God's work on earth. How do we determine that our leadings are true and accurate, not quixotic wrestles with our own ego? I often wonder whether our work is done for the sake of others or for the sake of ourselves and our own whims? For example, I'm not a very crunchy person. I tend to find environmental issues to often be a kind of navel-gazing exercise,

But before I offend too many Friends, I concede that care for the earth very well might be a true leading for Friends and I might be sounding unduly harsh.

Leading to my next point, around a couple of years ago, I found my views about doing God's work on Earth shattered. I'd spent loads of time and effort trying to bring about reform to a Meeting that was extremely dysfunctional on multiple levels. Now, with some distance, I can understand that I shouldn't have bothered. But I had been so sure at the time that I was following God's stated plan, so much so that I wasn't sure who to blame when it all came clattering down. How had I gone wrong? What made my leading so inaccurate? By the end, I came to view what had transpired as a learning experience. God was testing me to make sure that my leadings to follow would be sound ones.

To conclude, I end with a query or two.

• How can I separate faithful leadings in my life from unfaithful leadings?
• How much in control is God in our daily lives?