For several weeks, since I started the series about the Quaker testimonies, I have wanted and feared to write about community (a separate testimony with the Norwegian Friends). I have felt that before I can become a Friend, I’ll have to attend meetings for worship regularly. I am not even sure they would let me become a Friend if I don’t.

I struggle with this. For a great deal of my life, I have learned to trust nobody but myself and God. The reason has been that a lot of churches and congregations would condemn me for who I am, using God to support their hatred.

To be in community with God means to be vulnerable, naked. To be attacked in such a situation is especially hurtful. It leaves scars. I am blessed because I didn’t loose my fatith this way, like so many of my friends. But I got my scars.

To include fellow humans in my community with God means to reveal my vulnerability to other humans. I have learned that this leads to me being hurt, a lesson that is very hard to unlearn.

I really want to be a good Friend, but the solution is not to attend meetings just because I think I should, with my guard still up. I need to learn to trust Quakers to be able to attend meetings for worship. I just don’t know how.

In the meantime, I promise to blog here every Sunday until I feel ready to attend a Quaker meeting.

 

 

This post was written as part of a series of musings around the Quaker testimonies at my regular blog of faith: http://kveker.wordpress.com/

The blog is in English and Norwegian