Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Paula Deming on 12th mo. 28, 2011 at 11:06am

I wonder if a velvet in gray would suit? I have a vintage brown velvet that I wear every few years; that's the fanciest I ever get.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Smith on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 8:30am

Hello all. I have been getting the emails from this group for a long while and not reading them. but last night i read many of them and was so blessed by the information! I am a 57 yo mom and grandma and farmer and I have been "modern plain" for many many years, going on 17 I guess. But I have always felt isolated in this as no one around me, except my girls, have dressed this way. This group is helping me to think about why I dress this way and wondering why I feel so drawn to a head covering and why I just can't get myself to feel totally comfortable with that!

I am a Quaker by convincement, but have been attending a small non-denominational fellowship for many years and that is my spiritual home now, though inside I will always "be" a Quaker. For some reason not being a member of a Friend's meeting makes me more hesitant to wear a head covering, I guess because I feel I can't answer "because I'm a Quaker" to questions! (though that is of course no real answer these days).

I have two questions for now:

1. What do folks answer to questions about why you wear a head covering (I guess mostly from close friends and family cause strangers really don't ask)?

2. How do I use this forum? I would like to see all the old threads and can't see where they are ? Also, will daily emails allow me to participate in the discussions?

Thanks and hello to everyone. I feel like I have found friends who understand where I am coming from!

Barb

Permalink Reply by Paula Roberts on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 8:51am

Hi, Barb,

Welcome to to forum. I can't really answer the second question with much authority, except to say that there is a 'reply' box at the bottom of the discussion.  As for the first question; I do not get asked the question at all really.  On the rare occasion that I get some kind of inquiry I usually shrug and act coy. It's very personal so unless I'm having a conversation with others who are similarly inclined (inclined, that is, to have a personal conversation instead of mere curiosity) I keep it to myself.

Paula

Permalink Reply by Barbara Smith on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 10:53am

Paula - It is indeed very personal and that I guess is why I have been so hesitant about it. My family tends to have no boundaries about such things and I guess that is what fuels my anxiety. My mother has always appreciated my modest dress, as she really hates the lack of modesty in today's culture, but when we get into head covering that would get into faith and we really just can't go there (she's an outspoken atheist). So I feel ashamed to say that at the ripe old age of 57 fear still has a grip on me! I am then doubly ashamed because I feel I am "hiding under a bushel!"I also live in a small town where everyone knows me and I feel stifled by what others think. (If you knew me you would laugh to hear that I am so concerned about what others think - I act the opposite - but I am being unusually candid.)
I'd love to hear if others have had similar feelings. I suspect this is why head scarves sit in drawers for so long before being worn! God help my cowardice!

You all are very encouraging to me and all very strong women!

Barb

Permalink Reply by Paula Roberts on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 11:12am

Well you're a Quaker so just simply say it's something you were moved to do. You don't owe anyone any more than that.  I understand your concern with other people's approval. I do not take for granted that I live in rural Pennsylvania where Plain folk are not rare.  While we are no means a majority, I've never been in the Walmart (for example) and not encountered another covered woman. I imagine it takes a great deal more courage to do this somewhere where this is not seen.  Well, to turn an old Quaker acorn on it's ear; how long will you go without the cover you've been called to use -I advise thee to not wear them as long as thou canst.

Paula

Permalink Reply by Paula Deming on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 11:16am

Thumbs up, Paula--thee speaks my mind. :)

 

Permalink Reply by Elin Hagberg on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 3:05pm

Regarding Barb's first question I answer differently depending on person. If I know that 'religion' or 'religious' will be a trigger for a long and tedious discussion I just say 'Because I want to dress this way' which is true but does not open up for more discussion. If I feel that the person will be open to hear me out I say that I cover for religious reasons and then we have whatever discussion will come and sometimes I only get an 'oh' and that is it. My understanding is that people are less questioning than you might think and that they tend to look more than ask.

I am considerate with regards to my family and do not cover all the time when I am visiting, not indoors all the time but always when we are in public because I feel I cannot compromize with that. My family do not ask but respect my choice and I do not draw any attention to said choice by talking about it too much.

Permalink Reply by Mackenzie on 12th mo. 30, 2011 at 3:09pm

1. I actually have had a stranger ask about my snood. I told her it keeps my long-enough-to-sit-on hair out of the way. She said so does a bun, and that I'm contributing to the oppression of women in the Middle East. I told her I figure what women do with their hair is a personal choice, and if I want to do mine this way, that doesn't affect them.

2. Do you see the "Back to Plainness & Simplicity Discussions" link at the top of the originating post of this thread? Click there to see all the threads in the Plainness & Simplicity forum.

Barbara Smith said:

Hello all. I have been getting the emails from this group for a long while and not reading them. but last night i read many of them and was so blessed by the information! I am a 57 yo mom and grandma and farmer and I have been "modern plain" for many many years, going on 17 I guess. But I have always felt isolated in this as no one around me, except my girls, have dressed this way. This group is helping me to think about why I dress this way and wondering why I feel so drawn to a head covering and why I just can't get myself to feel totally comfortable with that!

I am a Quaker by convincement, but have been attending a small non-denominational fellowship for many years and that is my spiritual home now, though inside I will always "be" a Quaker. For some reason not being a member of a Friend's meeting makes me more hesitant to wear a head covering, I guess because I feel I can't answer "because I'm a Quaker" to questions! (though that is of course no real answer these days).

I have two questions for now:

1. What do folks answer to questions about why you wear a head covering (I guess mostly from close friends and family cause strangers really don't ask)?

2. How do I use this forum? I would like to see all the old threads and can't see where they are ? Also, will daily emails allow me to participate in the discussions?

Thanks and hello to everyone. I feel like I have found friends who understand where I am coming from!

Barb

Permalink Reply by Paula Roberts on 1st mo. 19, 2012 at 6:37pm

I've tried the Jerusalem twist with a modification. First of all I have alot of hair -dreadlocks down to my back.  So I start by braiding my locks into two big braids at my nape (as opposed to the sides of my head). Then I twist the braids together and tuck in the ends. This gives me a big "bun" of a style at the nape of my neck. Then I put on my tichel (as a triangle), as in the Jerusalem twist, but tuck the little bit of tail left under the scarf. Then I wrap the ends around my head rather far back from my hairline. It looks very tidy. I'll have to get someone to take a picture for me.  

Thanks for the idea. 

Paula

Permalink Reply by Betsy Packard on 1st mo. 19, 2012 at 8:48pm

I've found using some of the brimmed "hijab" caps to be wonderful "coverings."  I have some very simple lace ones that tie at the nape of my neck.  I have some that have a ruffle at the back over where the elastic runs in a casing. 

I've found that answering a question with a question can get me out of conversations I don't want to have, and I've had a lot of practice with that since I use a Disability Service Dog, and people ask really inappropriate and nosey questions of disabled individuals who use Service Dogs.  When people in a business ask me certain questions, they are actually violating 2 federal laws -- the ADA and the more recent Privacy Act. 

So, if someone asks, 'Why do you dress like that," I don't have a problems with turning it around, "Why do you dress the way you do?" 

"Why do you cover your head?"    "Why don't you cover yours?" 

Of course covering has had a strange advantage for me.  Alopecia!  As I go bald, covering my head has a definite advantage and I can admit to using covering to protect my vanity, which is not the original intent.  <LOL>    But it's such a relief in the mornings when I see my bald  spots to know they'll be well hidden.   8-)    

And that does tend to terminate unnecessary questions.  "Why do you cover your head?"  "Because I'm going bald."  Yup, they turn red and walk away on that response.  ;-)

peace & blessings,

       bets

Permalink Reply by Margaret Banford on 1st mo. 22, 2012 at 9:54am

Betsy - I too have been the focus of many rude and inappropriate questions, so I know how you feel, a little.

I admit that I had never thought of hijab caps!

Permalink Reply by Betsy Packard on 1st mo. 22, 2012 at 6:24pm

There are several vendors on eBay that sell very nice, simple, inexpensive hijab caps.  I really like my little lace ones which tie at the nape of my neck and have a tiny brim at the front.  They do the trick!

 

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