Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by roland heath on 12th mo. 2, 2012 at 4:36pm

don't let go of your anger.  its useful.  and if you suppress it, it will come out in other ways.

for me, i learned from d t suzuki, a zen master,  that one must learn to love your 10k demons as well as your 10k angels. once one loves their complete self, its easier to love others. flaws and all.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Quintiliano on 12th mo. 2, 2012 at 4:46pm

I appreciate your post, Syd, as I myself also struggle with this.

Not sure I have any words of wisdom.  A couple of people who have been the targets of my anger and to whom I apologized later (...apologizing is very important!) have told me that they sort of admire my  "temper" or my "passion."  I guess maybe in a world where people often just don't want to get involved, don't want to take a chance holding an unpopular opinion, they managed to see the good side of someone who explodes now and then :-)  I keep hoping that with time I'll learn to disagree in a more neutral tone :-)

Permalink Reply by Marianna Boncek on 12th mo. 2, 2012 at 5:18pm

There is nothing wrong with being angry or hurt. Those are normal and natural reactions. I use the question, "Will this matter in 100 years?" quite often. If it will matter in 100 years, then I better get my act together and DO something to change it. If it won't matter, I let it go. 

Permalink Reply by Arnon E. Reichers on 12th mo. 2, 2012 at 9:50pm

Perhaps you could analyze what kind of issues or events spark your anger. Maybe there's a pattern there that might give you some insight into what is going on for you. If you can detect some underlying issues, you may be able to meditate/pray about that until you feel it recede some. Good luck with this.

Permalink Reply by Howard Brod on 12th mo. 3, 2012 at 11:35am

For myself, I have found that when I'm angry, it is more about what is going on within me, rather than the other people or situations I'm challenged by.

So, my first step is to ponder that fact to discern,"Why?" Is this an opportunity to confront my unbridled ego and grow spiritually? I have found that our 'lower, animal self' will find all types of tricks to masquerade as 'righteousness' or professed 'goodness'. I know my ego is a constant challenge for me, and the first sign it has been called to action masquerading as 'Light' is a feeling of anger. Even feeling so passionate about an injustice that anger emerges, is the unbridled ego wanting to be fed. This can be by what is commonly called "righteous anger", where we have judged our opinion and actions so superior to others that we feel justified getting angry. Just another trick of the ego to control us.

One can truly have inner peace only when the Spirit within is cultivated to be in charge. Once trained, it will alert us of the true cause of our anger when it surfaces. And it is also there to comfort us and bring us peace, because it is where we are truly at home.

Permalink Reply by Jody Jenkins on 12th mo. 3, 2012 at 1:30pm

Hi Syd,

It may seem cliched, but as someone who's dealt with exactly what you're describing, 15-30 minutes of meditation a day is a great help. It helps you to distance yourself from the kneejerk, to step back and get some perspective and it lowers levels of fear and frustration. It also raises concentration. It's not hocus pocus: Sit either on the floor with your legs crossed, on your knees with a pillow between your legs for support, or in a chair. Sit quietly and gently focus on your breath going in ... going out. Breathe normally. You will feel self conscious at first, but over time you'll figure it out. Your mind will wander. When you notice that, bring your attention back to your breathing ... in .... out. Don't control your breathing. Then find articles or books about meditation. There's different ways to do it. But it doesn't have to be complicated. You will gradually begin to notice grasping - physical and psychological - when in your meditation you encounter those feelings of anger, fear, confusion. You will play out scenes. Fall into despairing memories. Laugh. The point is, when you feel yourself grasping, notice it. Feel the places in the body where you are grasping. Try to relax. Notice those places in the mind where you grasp. The pains or memories that cause it. Try to release it. Go back to breathing. It's kind of like trying to teach a cat to sit. At times it seems impossible. But it will come

Permalink Reply by Jody Jenkins on 12th mo. 3, 2012 at 1:32pm

PS - be gentle with yourself. You're the best friend you can have.

Permalink Reply by Syd Salsman on 12th mo. 4, 2012 at 2:52am

Thanks, everyone! Some helpful stuff, for sure.

Lately, I've found it works well to channel the energy of being angry into doing something I know is productive, like studying or cleaning. I guess it's a step.

Anyway, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! So far I've tried the meditating/contemplating and the will-this-matter-in-the-long-run, and so far, so good.