I'm not out in this post to air any personal grievances. A Friend told me, in more profane terms, that there are a certain amount of cares one can give about any contentious subject. There comes a time in every person's life where change is necessary, even changing houses of worship. I'm keeping this post simple and short for now, but may expand its focus as the idea grows within me. 

The Episcopal/Quaker axis astonishes me. We began vigorously protesting the Church of England and now we often run to it in place of Friends. The reverse is also true. I'm certainly not advocating for a mass Exodus from Quakerism to the Episcopalian, rather that it may be a temptation to the wounded. Listen closely to your leadings before jumping ship elsewhere.  

1. Ease Into It 

Learn the unwritten rules. Consider keeping your vocal ministry short and to the point, should you be led to do so in an unprogrammed fashion. Be silent at first. Be gracious to your new hosts. Learn about committees and leadership. Ingratiate yourself to your new Meeting/Church family.

2. Move On When You're Ready (And No One Else)

The phrase, "Wherever you go, there you are," comes to mind. Any negativity you hold about your previous stop will be carried over. Process, heal, and fully come to terms from whence you came. If not, think carefully about moving on for now.

3. Take into Account the Perspective of Your Partner, if You Have One

My partner is birthright and uncomfortable in a programmed setting. I am Convinced and not averse to liturgy and prepared sermons. I want her to sit at my side as we did for years, but want to take her feedback under consideration. Many couples part on Sunday morning for a few hours at a time. It's a complicated issue and a complicated balancing act. Be cautious as you pursue it.  

4. Consider Absence for a Time as You Continue to Heal

Not everyone has lingering guilt about not being in the benches (or pews, if you prefer), week in and week out. I do, she does not. When you're ready to traverse out into the world, you'll know. The sting of rejection will be gone. Close the chapter and turn to a new one. Starting over can be difficult, but it is essential.   

5. Don't Tolerate The Cold Shoulder

Meetings and Churches should pass the sniff test. If no one engages you in conversation or bothers to acknowledge your existence, don't ignore that sort of behavior. Quakers are introverted by nature, but introversion does not equal, nor justify rude or passive-aggressive conduct. 

I'll add more, as I said, as they are known to me. These ideas run in cycles, just as vocal ministry does. Sometimes I stay silent, sometimes I raise my voice.